Comments on: Thoughts on Being Gay in China

By: ERN

ERN — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 01:24:15 +0000

Hello Jonathan,

I’m a 29 year old gay male from the states. Recently I dated a 24 year old man from rural China who was forced into marriage by his family. Needless to say my former boyfriend and I no longer communicate with each other. My initial reaction was “bone-numbing” shock. As an American, I am not familiar with traditional Chinese customs such as arranged marriages. Needless to say, once my former boyfriend confirmed the marriage I immediately ended contact with him. I do regret my initial reaction to the news of his marriage. However, I do feel that moving on was the best option for the both of us. I now know, thanks to your blog in addition to others that my former boyfriend has no choice but to marry and satisfy his family’s wishes. While trying to research this subject, I have had difficulty finding information regarding this issue. I assume this must be a pressing issue for China’s gay community? It seems as though every publication featuring China’s gay community also mentions an arranged marriage of a gay man at some point. I assume that most men that are forced into marriages have secret lovers on the side, and away from their family. Almost all married closeted men in America have had some sort of a sexual encounter/affair outside of their marriage. Do married Chinese men have this problem? Do gay men in China who have been forced into marriage have marital affairs with other men? I am curious, I wouldn’t think that having an affair would be a popular thing for a closeted man who is married given China’s intense focus on family.

By: jiun

jiun — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 10:20:38 +0000

I’m chinese and good luck

By: JasonZhao

JasonZhao — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 08:06:47 +0000

I am a chinese guy,gay also.Yeah,It’s so hard being gay.I need to hide in the closet.My mother said clearly to me,if you were gay,I would die.What else can I do?I can’t do anything hurt my mother.Sometimes,I was thinking I need to be myself and ignore what others say.But I can’t.Because If I do,I will lose everything,everything.I live a hard life,actually.

By: Jonathan In China » Blog Archive » More hope for gay rights in China? I don’t know…

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:22:00 +0000

[...] a ridiculous proposition, and one that I have also considered here on my blog. The question is how far can you take this line of thinking? Will China have nationwide gay [...]

By: Nick

Nick — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 11:39:04 +0000

The article means you are gay? In fact,i haven’t classmates who dislike gay!

By: Mary Ann ODonnell

Mary Ann ODonnell — Sat, 30 May 2009 11:13:08 +0000

Shenzhen is unique in that many people here aren’t with their families; they have immigrated to the city for opportunities that aren’t as easily had in neidi. This allows people to do and try things in Shenzhen that they swear they would never do back home. Not only is gay culture a bit more open, but sexuality in general is also more open. Thus, I’m not sure who has and has not come out at home. Likewise, I don’t know how many young women have told their parents back home that they have been sexually active in Shenzhen. Also, I’ve found artists to be more openly gay and more accepting of homosexuality and lesbianism than other groups.

By: Jonathan

Jonathan — Sat, 30 May 2009 02:12:52 +0000

Mary Ann,

I definitely see the closet as a generational thing, especially here in Huaihua. Older men go out have boyfriends but they are almost all married, often with kids. The younger men I know have no plans to marry women and some hope to come out to their parents (no one I know here in Huaihua has done so). The younger men often have come out to their close friends, but they are still very careful. In Shenzhen I could imagine men (and women?) come out like H has in Hangzhou. In many cities life out of the closet has got to be better than life in the closet, not sure that we’ve reached that point here in western Hunan yet.

By: Mary Ann ODonnell

Mary Ann ODonnell — Fri, 29 May 2009 11:34:51 +0000

I’m curious to know how generational the closet is. In Shenzhen, many young people (say 17 to 25) are much more openly gay than are older folks. Moreover, their peers seem better able to read gay versus straight coding. Have you seen something similar in Huaihua?

By: H

Fri, 29 May 2009 03:02:41 +0000

I grew up in a small town, I had the exactly feeling like you described – hided deeply in the closet until I went for university in another bigger city. But still too many concerns stopped me from being the real me.
Now I’ve been living and working in Hangzhou for almost three years now, I came out to people in the office. Not something I would show off to, when people asked me why not have a GF, I just casually told them I’m not into girls.
I came out to my family 2 months ago over the phone, life is so much easier after I came out to them.

There is still a long way for Chinese society to accept such things, if people willing to open their mind, I think it will be so much easier.

By: richardlee

richardlee — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:10:34 +0000

a very interesting post. Thank you!
I agree China doesn’t have regilious burden like the one Americans have. I remember one day a butch lady from a computer company which provides service to our university, had lunch with us. Everyone knows she is lesbian. but nobody thinks it’s a big deal. some even teased her about her relationship with another girl, who was present that day. I was amazed to see how open people in China are today.