Comments on: The “Homowives” of China http://www.jonathaninchina.com/2009/06/the-homowives-of-china/ An American in Shanghai. Sat, 13 Mar 2010 12:33:22 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: ERN http://www.jonathaninchina.com/2009/06/the-homowives-of-china/comment-page-1/#comment-39142 ERN Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:47:31 +0000 http://www.jonathaninchina.com/?p=220#comment-39142 I'm a 29 year old gay male from the United States. My former boyfriend is from rural China and was recently approached by his family about marriage. My former boyfriend is here in the states earning his PhD. When he told me the news it nearly knocked me to the ground. He is expected to marry just like the above article says and have a child. It has taken me almost a month to try and wrap my mind around this concept. I am out to all people except my parents. I can't imagine living my parents forcing me to marry someone let alone marry woman. I'm surprised that more documentation hasn't been produced regarding this issue. It also must be a difficult choice to choose between who you are and your family. Traditional culture must play a huge role in the lives of chinese men who still have family in China I’m a 29 year old gay male from the United States. My former boyfriend is from rural China and was recently approached by his family about marriage. My former boyfriend is here in the states earning his PhD. When he told me the news it nearly knocked me to the ground. He is expected to marry just like the above article says and have a child. It has taken me almost a month to try and wrap my mind around this concept. I am out to all people except my parents. I can’t imagine living my parents forcing me to marry someone let alone marry woman. I’m surprised that more documentation hasn’t been produced regarding this issue. It also must be a difficult choice to choose between who you are and your family. Traditional culture must play a huge role in the lives of chinese men who still have family in China

]]> By: Jonathan http://www.jonathaninchina.com/2009/06/the-homowives-of-china/comment-page-1/#comment-28836 Jonathan Sat, 05 Sep 2009 08:16:12 +0000 http://www.jonathaninchina.com/?p=220#comment-28836 About the gay men. I think many gay men everywhere think that they can control their homosexuality and find it within themselves to love a woman, this is pretty much entirely wishful thinking. The way my Chinese gay friends have talked to me about their future plans to marry a woman it seems that they look at marriage as a requirement of life in China. It reminds me of the mandatory military service in Israel, it's viewed from the start as a inevitable step. Selfish convenience?! Are you kidding me? I could see a straight person saying that, but it's just a horribly false statement. Even with all the pressure put on Chinese men getting married to a woman does not make everything great for them, many (like Mr. Peng) would rather spend a lifetime as a "bachelor" in the eyes of their parents than get married to someone they don't love. Plus, marriage would make the gay man's secret life much harder to continue. Personally having to marry a woman would be the worst possible thing I could think of happening to me. About the women. Denial is wicked strong. The whole situation of homowives kind of reminds me of parents in denial about their son's/daughter's homosexuality. Everyone has some kind of idea what their life will be like, a homosexual husband ruins that image and therefore they can't picture it. Also, for many in China, especially women who are (I've found) often very naive on issues of sex, homosexuality doesn't even exist. It's hard to realize your husband is gay if you don't think such a thing can happen in China About the gay men. I think many gay men everywhere think that they can control their homosexuality and find it within themselves to love a woman, this is pretty much entirely wishful thinking. The way my Chinese gay friends have talked to me about their future plans to marry a woman it seems that they look at marriage as a requirement of life in China. It reminds me of the mandatory military service in Israel, it’s viewed from the start as a inevitable step. Selfish convenience?! Are you kidding me? I could see a straight person saying that, but it’s just a horribly false statement. Even with all the pressure put on Chinese men getting married to a woman does not make everything great for them, many (like Mr. Peng) would rather spend a lifetime as a “bachelor” in the eyes of their parents than get married to someone they don’t love. Plus, marriage would make the gay man’s secret life much harder to continue. Personally having to marry a woman would be the worst possible thing I could think of happening to me.

About the women. Denial is wicked strong. The whole situation of homowives kind of reminds me of parents in denial about their son’s/daughter’s homosexuality. Everyone has some kind of idea what their life will be like, a homosexual husband ruins that image and therefore they can’t picture it. Also, for many in China, especially women who are (I’ve found) often very naive on issues of sex, homosexuality doesn’t even exist. It’s hard to realize your husband is gay if you don’t think such a thing can happen in China

]]> By: John http://www.jonathaninchina.com/2009/06/the-homowives-of-china/comment-page-1/#comment-28529 John Sun, 30 Aug 2009 06:47:41 +0000 http://www.jonathaninchina.com/?p=220#comment-28529 Definitely a big social problem, but I find the psychological angle really fascinating. For the gay men, I wonder: (1) are they in denial about being gay, or (2) are they just unable to oppose the pressure placed on them to get married (perhaps believing there is no other way), or (3) is some of it just selfish convenience, a lack of regard for the woman they marry? For the "homowive," I wonder: (1) are they usually totally clueless about their gay husbands' true orientation, or (2) do they suspect, but they're in denial? (It sounds like none of them enter into the marriage willingly, as I've heard some gay-lesbian married couples do, for convenience.) Definitely a big social problem, but I find the psychological angle really fascinating.

For the gay men, I wonder: (1) are they in denial about being gay, or (2) are they just unable to oppose the pressure placed on them to get married (perhaps believing there is no other way), or (3) is some of it just selfish convenience, a lack of regard for the woman they marry?

For the “homowive,” I wonder: (1) are they usually totally clueless about their gay husbands’ true orientation, or (2) do they suspect, but they’re in denial? (It sounds like none of them enter into the marriage willingly, as I’ve heard some gay-lesbian married couples do, for convenience.)

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