Homosexuality

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The Economist talks about 同妻, aka: Homowives

Friday, March 19th, 2010

This is a subject I find rather fascinating, as can be seen from this previous post on gay men marrying heterosexual women in China.  Today I was again reminded of this sad occurrence by the Economist magazine, which published a short article on the subject.  Worth a read if you’re interested.

It is estimated that 15-20% of gay men in America marry heterosexual women. But Liu Dalin, a pioneering sexologist now retired from the University of Shanghai, has put the share in China at 90%. If so, the number of tongqi in China may be as high as 25m.

Last week I joined 飞赞 (Fei Zan), a kind of Facebook for gay men in China.  Shanghai’s City Weekend LGBeat blog recently published a nice introduction to the service.  One of the fascinating things about it is that is entirely geared towards gay men in China (the site is only in Chinese), which these days are often only open about their sexuality online.  So on top of the usual information you would find on a social networking site 飞赞 also asks you to share whether or not you are closeted, what role you play during sex, and the state of your body hair.  They also ask whether or not you plan on getting married (是否结婚).  As a gay guy from Massachusetts my answer would normally be a definitive yes, but since this is China saying you plan on getting married is akin to saying you will never be completely open about your sexuality and that you and some poor woman will live a sexless life together.  So in these circumstances I put down that I do not plan on getting married, a assertion that I will have open relationships with men, but from what I’ve seen on the site I am the only one that thinks this way.

Dropping the ball

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

I have really neglected my blogging duties as of late.  Most egregiously in my mind I stopped bothering to write about new developments in gay rights here in the People’s Republic of China, even though so much has already happened in this new year.  Like how about the fact that the Beijing authorities shut down China’s first “Mr. Gay Pageant” and a guy (from Xinjiang of all places!) went to the international “Mr. Gay Pagaent” in Oslo anyway.  Even my old Beijing roomate, a devout heterosexual, managed to write about this “Mr. Gay Pageant” debacle.  And how could I ignore the first gay wedding in China or the great pictures that came from it?  Having forgotten to mention the marriage it was no doubt expected that I would neglect to talk about the backlash that comes from being the first “married” gay couple in China, but that doesn’t make my inaction okay.  Even the Shanghaiist blog’s Top 5 gay China moments of 2009 warranted a mention, though apparently not by me.  I was too busy ignoring my duties to bother to say much about any of this and I apologize for this lapse of judgment.  Maybe it’s because I’m single.

Besides my laziness, lack of a boyfriend and a graduate school application that had to be finished I was also traveling most of February, sans laptop.  Shanghai in the winter can be a bit of a downer so it was an easy decision to dip into my savings and head south to Thailand and Malaysia for a couple weeks with some American friends of mine.  It was a very pleasurable way to celebrate the Chinese New Year and I came back with quite a hefty collection of photographs, some of which I’m hoping to exhibit on this blog in the style of Primitive Culture and Itinerant Bordeaux (two very awesome blogs about travel and food written by two very attractive men).  For now you can check out my Flickr page for all the photos or just soak in the relaxed vibes from this photograph.

A daily of life on the island of Ko Lanta, Thailand.

Life on the island of Ko Lanta, Thailand.

Gay conversion therapy in China

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

Being a homosexual was a criminal act in China until 1997 and Homosexuality was listed as a mental illness in China until 2001, facts we should not forget when talking about the long march for gay rights happening in this country.   Another hiccup in the generally positive development of gay rights in China is the use of gay conversion therapy here.  Gay conversion therapy is when people (stupidly) try to convert a gay person into a straight person.  This useless act is often tried through the use of religious guilt, peer pressure and sometimes more bizarre actions: “Picture this: you are watching gay porn, you are feeling good.  But they put ammonia into your nose to make you feel bad.”  I didn’t know that gay conversion was going on in China (other than the feeble attempts of Chinese mothers to help their gay sons find a wife), but I guess it is happening in both the Christian community and with professional psychiatrists.

The Global Times (they seem to be talking a lot about gay issues these days) just published an article about a public forum at Beijing’s Renmin University by Yi Huso, a “research fellow at the HIV Center for Clinical and Behavioral Studies at Columbia University in New York and a visiting assistant professor at Renmin University of China in Beijing,” which discussed the use of gay conversion therapy in China.

The article is rather odd.  It clearly states how gay conversion is bad for gay men, “those who failed at therapy might have been harmed in terms of chronic depression, low self-esteem, have difficulty sustaining relationships and experience sexual dysfunction.”  At the same time the article ends by quoting a Chinese “expert” who believes that, “If he/she is willing to change, I believe the therapy would not cause any harm.”  The whole thing is not very well written and besides making it clear that there are well over 10 million gay men in China the article doesn’t mention how the straight Chinese population needs to change to allow for a more *cough* harmonious future.  So, in the end the only real value I got from the article came from the intriguing story of one gay man who had gone through gay conversion therapy in China:

Will, 20, a self-described sexually confused boy who embraces several religions, nodded from time to time.

As a Christian, he experienced the “spiritual interventions” designed to rid the individual of his or her sexual orientation through prayer, group support and pressure.

“But I failed because I could not stand when they kept telling me how sinful I am and stopped me from meeting my gay friends,” he said.

At last, traumatic anti-gay encounters changed his mind.

“I can have no sex. I can have no religion. But I cannot be non-gay just because others say I am wrong to be gay,” he said.

In the end it’s all just more mixed signals from the Chinese government and the Communist Party, which in fact runs the Global Times.  Just yesterday there was an article published by Xinhua, the official press agency of the Chinese government, with the headline: “Public tolerance needed for Chinese gays to tackle AIDS.”  On the same day Beijing News published a report on how the China Telecom is blocking websites set up to provide information to homosexuals:

The report quoted Guangdong branch company of China Telecom, one of the country’s main internet service providers, as saying that the “green filtering software” which was somehow put in place without prior application and confirmation of its clients has blocked a majority of government-sponsored websites that provide authoritative information on HIV/AIDS prevention and common knowledge about homosexuality.

What a mess….

More hope for gay rights in China? I don’t know…

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

The Global Times (环球时报) is an international affairs newspaper published by the People’s Daily (人民日报), the official mouthpiece of the Communist Party of China, and it is usually about as entertaining as that sounds.  Unlike the People’s Daily the Global Times is hugely popular in China, my students in Huaihua used to read it all the time (they used its fiercely nationalistic articles to help them craft their essays for school).  Global Times is nationalistic and often goes after foreign governments, which can make it kind of grating to read as a foreigner.  This year they started printing an English version of the newspaper as part of the Chinese government’s multi-billion dollar investment to make the Chinese viewpoint heard round the world (they also want to start a 24/7 English news channel).  The English Global Times has enlisted a wide range of people to write articles and op-eds, including many English speaking expats living in China (even some bloggers), which means the paper has a far more diverse viewpoint than its Chinese mother.

I don’t usually read the paper, though recently the paper ran an op-ed with a headline that got my attention: “More Hope for Gay Rights in China Than in the US.”  How could I resist that?

The author is James Palmer. He is a non-fiction writer who recently published his book The Bloody White Baron, a history of the Russian Baron Ungern-Sternberg (1886–1921).  He lives in Beijing.  Mr. Palmer makes some really great points in his editorial, but in the end his thesis is wrong.  I thought I’d hash out the details here.

He starts by saying that with the recent civil rights losses in Maine (the passing of a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage) and Rhode Island (the governor forbade gay partners from enjoying funeral rights) have left civil rights leaders “despairing”.  While I am certainly saddened by the developments in Maine and Rhode Island I am not despairing, and I don’t think other young LGBT Americans are either.  There was the recent super-sized march in Washington for LGBT rights and the signing into law of the Shepard Byrd Hate Crimes Bill that in my mind seem to offer a lot of hope and promise for the people fighting for LGBT rights in America.  Plus, the generational divide on the issue of gay marriage makes me very secure in the knowledge that there is no reason to despair, at least not too much.  Of course, Mr. Palmer is right in many ways on this point.  The recent murder, dismemberment and burning of 19 year old Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado in Puerto Rico shows that our society has many problems and that the fight for gay rights in America is not merely about marriage.

He then writes:

If anything, the situation in China can seem worse. Gay marriage isn’t even on the administrative agenda yet, and most Chinese homosexuals still live hidden lives, pressured into marriage by their family.

Yet history and culture may offer more hope in China than in the US.

Not a ridiculous proposition, and one that I have also considered here on my blog.  The question is how far can you take this line of thinking?  Will China have nationwide gay marriage rights before the U.S.?  (Yes, that day will certainly come, both here and there.)  Will China’s gay rights movement follow along a path similar to America’s?  In the end I think the real question that makes such nation to nation comparisons fraught with difficulty is: What are the underlying differences between our culture’s views on homosexuality and how will these differences affect the fight for gay rights?

Mr. Palmer feels the same and he wrote a bit about homosexuality’s (especially male homosexuality) place in Chinese culture and history, something him and I both seem to have an interest in.  He brings up the eminent Jesuit missionary Matteo Ricci (1552-1610), a man more fascinating and game-changing than Marco Polo ever was, who, in his quest to convert the Chinese masses, looked the other way when it came to ancestor worship but could never understand the Chinese people’s acceptance of homosexuality.  He wrote of homosexuality: “It is spoken of in public and practised everywhere without there being anyone to prevent it.”

European societies, as Mr. Palmer points out, were cultures where homosexuality was, “condemned by religion, law and custom, and vicious punishments, even including death, were handed down to gay men.”  In contrast, China had long viewed homosexuality not in such black and white terms.  Many Chinese Emperors were bisexual (all but one in the Han dynasty), male concubines were allowed and often common among the wealthy, and male poets would write romantic lines about their same sex lovers.  While ancient China was never a homosexual paradise, it was also not the judgmental nightmare than Christian Europe used to be.

It was only with the Self-Strengthening Movement, the fall of the Qing dynasty, and the adoption of Western political and cultural ideas that allowed Western ideas towards homosexuality to become the norm in China.  Mr. Palmer points out that during Mao’s reign homosexuality was considered a “Western bourgeois vice,” a line of thinking that some still believe today.  Go figure, the ancient country with a long history of open homosexuality calls homosexuality a Western trend.  However, China’s history does not in and of itself easily translate into an easier fight for LGBT rights in today’s China.

Mr. Palmer mentions the interesting place of homosexuality in Chinese society today:

Today, gay rights in China are less advanced than in Europe or the US. Although a commonly accepted rule is “no approval, no disapproval, no promotion,”and legal persecution is rare, gays rarely live openly and have a difficult time, in particular, coming out to their parents. (Emphasis added)

Many gay men have male lovers in their 20s, get married and have a child – and then, very often, go back to having secretive same-sex relationships.

This is a pretty solid summary of the situation facing gay men in China today.  Gay men are neither hunted nor welcomed.  Gay bars are hard to find, exist as relatively secretive places and are not a place where you want to be seen by your straight boss.  At the same time the bathrooms of gay bars and clubs are covered in government ads urging the use of safe sex  and inside a Chinese gay bar everyone is very open and friendly.  Hell, the government in Dali, a city in Yunnan province, just opened a gay bar in the city today as a way to stop the spread of AIDS and provide a community center for the gay community. Turns out the gay bar has been put on hold due to the intense media attention, the gay volunteers voted not to open it yet.  If you ask me, this is sign of how the development of gay rights is going to be slow going in China.

Mr. Palmer is also right that most gay men in China still marry women and have children after their 20s.  I talked about these “homowives” and the reasons behind such marriages in a previous blog post.  Since coming to Shanghai I have also learned about  so called “sham marriages” (I forget the Chinese name.  If you know it please post it in the comments), which are when the women in a lesbian couple and the men in a gay couple split off into two straight marriages or when a lesbian and a gay man get married.  These sham marriages are purely for show, the fake heterosexual couples only spend the Chinese New Year together while visiting the in laws, for most of the year everyone can be with their true loves.

In finishing up his argument Mr. Palmer compares America’s Christian society and its “tradition of aggressive masculinity that sees gay men as ‘weak’ or ‘unmanly’” to China, a country that “doesn’t have any of this.”  I can understand this argument, and it does hold true much of the time.  For example, in my classroom last year effeminate boys were some of the most popular students and were not harassed as they might have been in America.  Male friendships are also of a different nature in China and can be worlds away from the American tradition.   Of course nothing is this black and white.  The comments posted by Chinese citizens on a recent BBS about Taiwan’s LGBT Pride parade were often deeply derogatory and violent.  So while being “unmanly” in the eyes of a male American may not be much of a problem in China, being openly gay and proud most certainly is.

The fight for gay rights in America is often, as Mr. Palmer writes, preaching against the “low-level homophobia of the playground” and showing that members of the LGBT community are productive and kind people just like everyone else.  At the same time though the fight for gay rights in China often means bringing up a topic that isn’t even discussed on the playground, let alone used derogatorily among students.  When homosexuality is as closeted as it is in most of China fighting for gay rights can be a huge undertaking.

Mr. Palmer seems to be saying that since China lacks a large Christian community (though, in all fairness, it is growing by leaps and bounds) and an American style love of macho manliness, that means that gay rights will flourish here unimpeded.  Maybe, but as of yet most of the flousihing of the Chinese LGBT community is happening outside of the public eye.  China’s gay community has to take the big step of coming out of the closet and promoting others to do the same before real dramatic changes can take place.  Mr. Palmer writes: “It might be that in 20 years time or longer, China recognizes gay marriage, while large parts of the US and Europe continue to be stuck in the past.”  But for this to happen in China there will have to be a strong open gay community, a governmnet not vague in its stance on gay rights, and probably an explosive moment that ushers in real changes.  Just as Stonewall started the modern gay rights movement in America 40 years ago, a strong stand against prejuidce and hiding could bring needed changes to the Chinese LGBT community.  If that happens I would not be surprised if it took less than 40 years for China to reach the kind of support and acceptance that I can find in my home state of Massachusetts.  I and the tens of millions of LGBT Chinese are waiting.

Beijing’s Fourth Queer Film Festival

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Jeremy Goldkorn may just have the coolest job in all of Beijing.  He is the founder and editor of Danwei.org (now blocked by the Chinese government, mirror site available in China at danwei.tv), which seeks to increase the international community’s understanding of China by translating pieces of Chinese journalism and bringing to light stories that you may not notice if you don’t read Chinese or scour the Chinese internet and blogosphere.  Danwei has also done a fabulous job discussing developments in the fight for LGBT rights in China.

Today they posted a video of an interview Jeremy Goldkorn had with the two organizers of this summer’s past Beijing Queer Film Festival (北京酷儿影展).  The organizers, Yang Yang and Cui Zi’en (催子恩), talk about the history of the film festival along with their thoughts on the gay rights in China today, what being openly gay can mean for your career in China and what the future will look like.  If you’re interested in gay rights in China this video is a must see.  Also, check out this Huffington Post article about the film festival.

Note: Vimeo video hosting is blocked by the Chinese government.  To view this video in China you will need a proxy or VPN.

Beijing Queer Festival from on Vimeo.

There was one question and answer from the interview that I wanted to highlight by publishing it here:

Goldkorn: From the first gay film festival in 2001 to now the fourth in 2009 has China seen any improvements in gay rights?

Cui Zi’en: Amongst the populace there has been some greater freedoms for homosexuals, the rise of grassroots associations and freedom of interaction between homosexuals.  But at the government level, in terms of government laws, policies etc. there hasn’t been any change at all.

You’re on the money there Cui Zi’en.

“The majestic way mother nature kills bigots”

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

This title was not written by me (though I like it a lot), it comes from an article I read in the Huffington Post by Allison Kilkenny about how the group Focus on the Family had funded support for an anti-gay referendum in the State of Washington that had failed.  I was drawn to this chart in the article, which Ms. Kilkenny introduces with phrase that is used as the title of this post.  In my last post I was talking about how the passage of Proposistion 1 in Maine, which bans gay marriage in that state, presages nothing when it comes to the future of gay rights.  The world is changing and the plain fact is the future is going to be run by today’s younger generations, while the old will pass on.  When it comes to people’s opinions on gay rights age matters a whole lot.  The world is far different place from what it was when my parents were growing up.

I find is especially interesting that even within the group of 65+ from Alabama (I imagine them carrying pitchforks while burning effigies of Barney Frank and Ellen DeGeneres)  at least 10% still supported gay marriage.  Seems like some pretty strong evidence for the theory that 10% of society is born with homosexual tendencies.  I can’t stop thinking about those poor 85 year-old gays and lesbians from Alabama, none of their peers support their right to marry!  They (and everyone else) should probably just move to Massachusetts, we ain’t no haters.

How age affects thinking on gay rights

Making a Gay Home in China

Sunday, November 8th, 2009

With the infuriating and hateful voice of a slight majority, a referendum repealing the decision of the Maine State Supreme court, which allowed gay marriage in the State of Maine, was passed this past election day.  It’s sad news, especially for a young gay guy like myself.  Luckily, I am not an old man living in Maine with the man I want to marry, though I feel very sorry for that man.  I have a long life ahead of me and I live in Shanghai, so this decision, while completely wrong and detrimental to America’s future and to the principles on which our nation stands for, doesn’t bother me so much.  While the Catholic Diocese (who organized this fight against equal marriage in Maine) may be patting themselves on the back right now, I’m laughing at them.  Anyone who thinks that in 20 years these results would happen again is delusional.  I’m on the winning side in this fight and me and my fellow LGBT Americans are not going to lose hope over this example of 20th century hate that has no place in today’s world.  One of the organizers against Maine’s referendum had it right when they said: “We’re not short-timers; we are here for the long haul.  Whether it’s just all night and into the morning, or next week or next month or next year, we will be here. We’ll be fighting, we’ll be working. We will regroup.” (via The Bangor Daily News).  Besides, I’ve spent a fair amount of time in Maine over the years (like the New Englander that I am) and that State we always be a happy gay place in my mind, no matter what the old haters try to make it.  I try to remember that I still have equal rights in my home state of Massachusetts, Vermont (where I went to school), Connecticut, Iowa, and New Hampshire – so my rights aren’t directly affected.

Now that I have that off my chest lets talk about gay rights here in China.  The big news is that Taipei, the capital of Taiwan, held the seventh annual LGBT Pride Parade last weekend.  While Shanghai may be a really gay city it’s not much into being gay and proud in public during the day, we got Chinese culture and the Communist government here, dude.  Taiwan has a bit of lead on Mainland China when it comes to gay rights and speaking your mind in public, so it’s not very surprising that the parade in Taipei is the largest Gay Pride in all of Asia – 25,000 people joined in the festivities this year.

People were speaking out for gay marriage, the right to adopt children and start families with their partners.  The crux of the problem for gay rights in China and East Asia is that while being gay can be (kind of) okay if it is practiced clandestinely and if relationships are not given the same weight as heterosexual ones, the culture and governments over here don’t want such relationships to be legitimatized.  So I think that the big hurdle for gay rights in China will be in changing people’s minds that being gay can in fact lead to a lasting legitimate relationship, while in America the problem is getting the old and hateful people to recognize that open gay relationships should have the choice to become a sanctified marriage.  Step by step people…

Whatever people want to think, gay people are still going to start serious relationships and live with the person they love – just as humans have for millennium.  I know some gay couples here in China that live together, they’re all either made up of two foreigners or a Chinese person and a foreigner, I don’t know any Chinese-Chinese gay couples living together.  It’s not that big a deal, especially since none of the couples I know live in rural Chinese villages and most live far away from their families.  I was happy to read about just such a couple in a recent article in the New York Times (In China, Apartment Renovation Presents New Challenges) about a gay couple, consisting of a Chinese and American man, who recently renovated the apartment they share in Dalian.

Now, a gay couple talking about a their apartment renovation is about as rare as people wearing red underwear on the Chinese New Year’s eve.  I have a friend here in Shanghai who the night I met him literally never stopped talking about the interior decoration plans for the apartment he shares with his boyfriend here in Shanghai.  We gay guys nest in well-thought out beautiful spaces.  Besides hearing about the issues involved in renovating a Chinese apartment in a minimalist American style, which is a world away from the average Chinese style, it was interesting hearing a little about how an American gay man was making a permanent home with his Chinese boyfriend.  One thing that really intrigued me was the fact that the Chinese man’s father organized the workers for the renovation, transporting them from the family’s hometown five hours away.  The article doesn’t go into the father’s thoughts about his son living with his American boyfriend, though I really wish it had.  There’s also an interesting bit about extortion.  All in all a fun read, even if you aren’t interested in issues related to gay rights in China.  Makes we wonder whether living with your gay boyfriend in a Chinese city might be easier than doing so in some parts of America, minus the extortion, of course.

UPDATE: ChinaSmack has posted a translation of a mainland China BBS post about the recent Taiwan LGBT Pride parade.  It includes some pictures from the parade and a bunch of translated comments written by Chinese netizens.  The comments are by and large very disparaging of homosexuals, though there are some nice comments calling for people to accept homosexual love.  A couple of commenters mentioned God as a basis for their hatred of homosexuals, a sign that religious hatred of homosexuals is gaining ground in China.  It was a kind of sad read for me.  There was no mention in ChinaSmack’s translation about the differences between Taiwan and mainland China when it comes to gay rights or freedoms, which I thought to be rather surprising.

Gay News Flash: Protest in Guangzhou

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

Shanghaiist alerted me (a week ago, oops) to a recent protest in a public park down in the metropolis of Guangzhou (you may know it as Canton).  Public parks are the traditional meeting place for gay men in China (the world?) and it seems that People’s Park in Guangzhou is no exception to this, over 100 gay men meet there nightly.  China Daily wrote about the incident.

On a recent night the police tried to get a group of gay men to leave the park.  This was ostensibly because gay men bring crime to the park, the police said there had been incidents of harassement and petty theft.  The gay men countered that they are more often the victims of crime in the park, which seems more likely to me.  The standoff was successful and the police left the gay men at the park.  Kind of a victory, I guess.  A video of the protest was uploaded to Tudou, a Chinese version of Youtube.

As happy as I am that gay men are speaking up for themselves and fighting “the Man,” I really wish that Chinese gay men had better places to hang out.  And I’m not just talking about bars and clubs, which a city as big as Guangzhou is certain to have.  Why not have community centers, support groups, restaurants/cafes owned by people in the LGBT community, or other safe places for the gay community that don’t bring to mind anonymous sex behind a bush?  The China Daily article mentions that volunteers go to People’s Park in Guangzhou to teach others about safe sex.  A good start, but I think there needs to be more.  If Chinese society won’t let gay men come out of the closet let’s at least make a closet that is indoors, well-light, supporting, and comfortable.

Shanghai from the American Prespective

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

I left China a month ago and it already feels like much longer than that. Odd how that happens. Lately I been living the comfortable life of the suburbs of Massachusetts. It’s been fun and the little annoyances of life in Hunan are gone, though only to be replaced with the all together new disappointments of life in America. The air is clean here and you can find yourself in green leafy surroundings free of other people, even in a city like Boston. Overall I’m just pretty bored.

More than any return from China I’ve had this feels like a visit and I am at ease knowing that I will soon be returning to Shanghai to start a new life. Of course, I’m not mentioning the long slightly annoying sludge I’ve made to get my visa. Lets just not talk about that.

I’m so excited about moving to Shanghai I’ve been reading about the city and watching the large amount that can be found on Youtube, now available to me here in the land of the free. Did you know that Commodore Matthew C. Perry stopped there on his way to Japan during his famous 1853 voyage that “opened up Japan to the West?”  Commodore Perry writes:

During the stay of the ships at Shanghai, there was a constant succession of dinners and balls, and the officers were most hospitably entertained everywhere.

Reminds me of my first visit to Shanghai, a booze-filled weekend back in the spring of 2004.

Online there’s a lot of fascinating stuff about this crazy metropolis.

Here’s a video preview of the World Expo, opening in Shanghai next spring.  The whole thing looks just like some futuristic Nintendo world.

Not only is Shanghai a cool city of the future but it also has a vibrant community of graffiti artists.

One of my favorite aspects of Shanghai is the large and healthy community of gay people that call the city home. Its truly is the gayest city in China. Who knows, I think I might just start fighting for gay rights in China. The people that made this fantastic video on gay life in Shanghai have a monthly online talk show about gay life in Shanghai and China: qafshanghai. Check it out.

Part One:

Part Two:

The “Homowives” of China

Saturday, June 27th, 2009

Not a term you here everyday “homowives,” tongqi 同妻 in Chinese, refers to heterosexual women married to gay men.  This is, of course, not a problem limited to China.  Even democratic countries like the United States and Iran have the same issue. In my last post on homosexuality in China I mentioned how many gay men I’ve met here are married or plan to marry a woman and raise a family.  This is due to the massive (MASSIVE!) pressure put on men of a certain age to get married and have children, hopefully a son.  This is basic Chinese tradition: the family is the most important social group and to continue the family line a son must marry and have a son.  Women are excluded from all of this because they leave their original family once they marry and join their husband’s family.  In today’s world where everyone in China is entitled to only one child, if that child is male he had best get married before 30 or an unthinkable amount of leverage will be exerted by his parents and nearly everyone else to force him to.  In China, as of right now, a gay man cannot easily come out of the closest and explain the situation to their family.  No get out of jail free card here.  As it turns out this means that 80% of gay men in China get married to women. Eighty freakin’ percent!

I was reading this translation on Shanghaiist the other day (a very pro-gay rights China blog, fyi) about this very subject.  It’s a blogpost written by the “renowned sexologist and sociologist” Li Yinhe (李银河), the original Chinese version is here.  She studied the phenomenon of Chinese homowives and brings to light their sad situation.  Here is the translation in full (via Yawning Bread):

I attended a forum that discussed the problem of ‘homowives‘. The so-called ’homowife‘ (tongqi 同妻) is the wife (qi 妻) of a homosexual (tongzhi 同志). It has been said that China has 20 million male homosexuals, of whom 80 per cent would marry a woman. These women are the ’homowives‘, and there are 16 million of them.

The ‘homowife’ phenomenon is a phenomenon unique to China, seldom witnessed in other countries. In other countries, homosexuals would remain single or live together or marry other homosexuals. Very few would enter into a heterosexual marriage. This difference comes about because Chinese culture places such a great emphasis on marriage and reproduction, as to make them compulsory.

During my visit to Hungary, I found out that only 10 per cent of people of marriageable age got hitched. The rest fell into three categories: single, cohabiting (living together), LAT (lovers who live apart). In such a society, gay people do not have any need at all to enter into a heterosexual marriage. People would not gossip about them and parents do not apply pressure. Unfortunately our Chinese culture is oppressive with its dictum on men and women having to get married when they reach a certain age and naming the lack of progeny as the most serious breach of filial piety – “there are three kinds of unfilial behaviour and the greatest is have no descendant”. This has compelled an entire community of male homosexuals to marry women to have children.

The condition for ‘homowives’ is extremely tragic. At the seminar, there were ‘homowives’ who burst into tears as they spoke, leading all of them to hug each other for a good cry. Most days, they wash their faces with tears. I heard what I considered the most shocking testimony that from a woman who told of how she even doubted her ability to attract men — why wouldn’t her husband even want to look at her or touch her? Am I really that unworthy as a woman? She assumed that all men would treat her like that, not knowing that this is far from the truth. She did not dream that her husband would be gay. Under the circumstances, even the most beautiful and accomplished woman would not arouse him.

Homowives have started to get organized in an effort to help themselves and help others. They have started a website and a helpline to assist fellow women who have fallen into the same predicament.

Their highest priority is to prevent women from marrying homosexuals, help those who suspect the sexual orientation of their boyfriends to analyse their situation better; and in the event that the other party is a confirmed homosexual, to dissuade the woman from entering a marriage with the man.

Secondly, they would like to extend a helping hand to those women who are already married to homosexuals and who would like a divorce. This includes helping them to make up their minds, relieving the pressure on them and reduce the financial and psychological damage that comes with divorce.

Thirdly, they would like to address the problems of homowives who do not want a divorce for a variety of reasons. This would include helping them to analyse the cost of keeping such a marriage going, how to communicate with their husbands and how to get along with their children.

They proposed a slogan: ‘Homowife ends with me’. This slogan is full of hurt and also extends concern to those who may follow in their footsteps. The slogan gives one a feeling that it is a noble cause.

I hope the majority of male homosexuals do not enter into heterosexual marriages any more and spare a thought for the feelings of the homowife.

Before you go I’d like to add my two cents.  First, as I said earlier this phenomenon is by no means just a Chinese issue but rather a global issue.  Secondly I’d like to introduce two gay friends of mine here in China (anonymously of course).  One is named Zhao, he is 41 years old, married and has a young child, the other is named Peng and is 27 years old unmarried but closeted.

Mr. Zhao found his wife through a matchmaker and barely knew her before they married; the wedding was planned by a friend and Mr. Zhao, from the start, placed little importance on his marriage.  They had a child while living at Mr. Zhao’s parents house, where they are now.  Mr. Zhao likes to drink way more than most Chinese people, but he has lots of friends (including some boyfriends) so going out drinking every night is easy.  And in fact he does go out and drink every night, often ignoring his obligations as a father and husband.  Not surprisingly Mr. Zhao spends very little time with his child or wife, whom he doesn’t particularly like and who doesn’t like him.  The wife asks for a seperation, which is fine by Mr. Zhao, no one wants a divorce.  They still live together.  The sad life Mr. Zhao, his wife, and their child have together will probably continue for a long time.

Mr. Peng is a successful man still in his twenties but deffinitely old enough to get pressure to find a wife from all directions.  Thus far his education and career, which he takes very seriously, have given him an easy out from the whole marriage idea.  His parents respect what he is doing and do not pressure him to get married.  Do they suspect he is gay?  He thinks not since that would probably lead to his mom trying to break open his skull with a brick.  He is from a younger generation than Mr. Zhao and has firmly decided never to marry a woman.  Mr. Peng can see why it is a dumb idea and from experience he know’s that is bad situation for the wife.  This knowledge isn’t limited to homosexual men and their wives either, straight men all over China have affairs and Mr. Peng has seen the problems that causes.

Mr. Peng is educated about homosexuality, comfortble with who he is, out to a few friends, reads and watches what life is like for gay men outside of China on the internet, and all of this has lead him to believe he can find the man of his dreams and lead a happy life.  However, he sees Chinese society’s issues surrounding homosexuality as irreversable and does not expect to ever come out to his parents or co-workers and sees a homosexual relationship as something that should be kept secret.

Where does this all lead?  From where I’m sitting it just doesn’t look too good for anyone.  When the modern gay rights movement in America started over 40 years ago the problem was the closet.  In today’s China we have the same problem.  Gay people cannot change anything, especially their own misery, unless they come out of the closet.  This is still an unthinkable step for most gay men in China and because of that there will be many many more homowives in China’s future, all living another form of misery caused by society’s intollerance.

An Update from the End of the Line

Sunday, June 21st, 2009

My pathetic lapse in blogging has been bothering me.  I now have nine days left here in Hunan before I fly back to the States for a month of summer vacation and there is so much I haven’t written about.  Unlike my last weeks in America before a move to China during my last month in China leaving has been on my mind in a big way and wrapping up my life here has been a full time job.  Though, to be sure, it has been a kick ass month.

For the past eight weeks or so my weekends have been spent traveling or hosting friends here in Huaihua.  Certainly a fun, though busy, way to spend one’s time.  On top of that my year of being a volunteer teacher in China ended last week.  The weather in Hunan is now at the Summer levels of heat and humidity characteristic of this sub-tropical region and it can only be described as oppressive.  After an extremely long, rainy and cool Spring the weather was a nice change but now doing anything outside of my air conditioned bedroom during the daytime is a sweaty and exhausting chore.  Even writing this post in my stifling office requires a towel to mop up my sweat.  My computer that has been slowly dying all year long seems even more disabled in this weather.

So, after my long absence here are some things that have happened this month.

My trip to Simeng (思蒙)


Simeng landscape

Almost unknown outside of western Hunan this small “scenic district” is nicknamed Little Guilin for its beautiful carst-like hills that surround a beautiful river and richly forested area full of fascinating plants and birds.  The air was fresh and after a year in a Chinese city being able to breathe deeply and enjoy the smells might just be my favorite memory from this trip.  The hills were made of a stone that is almost exactly like Boston pudding stone, which is all over my neighborhood back home.  I went with two fellow teachers from the grade I teach at my school (senior one).  It was my first time taking an overnight trip with any of my Chinese colleagues and it was a fine time.  My Chinese friends often have the bad habit of trying to help me do anything when I travel with them, even mundane tasks that I can easily handle in Chinese, and this was the case in Simeng too.  But Simeng is a very rural area and the dialect is not easily understood so it wasn’t as annoying as it could have been.  One great reason to travel with Chinese friends is that they open you up to experiences you never would have found on your own and traveling to Simeng, which is located in the Huaihua city Prefecture, was a great example of this for me.  I’ll try and post more pictures online if my computer doesn’t die.

The Gaokao (高考) College Entrance Exam

A little while back I wrote a post about the lack of creativity in the Chinese classroom.  One striking example of the Chinese education system’s disregard for critical thinking, creativity, and outspokenness is the nation college entrance exam known as the Gaokao.  This year it took place on June 7 and 8th in every high school across the country at exactly the same time.  It was my first time seeing the test from the viewpoint of a teacher who works in a Chinese school and there were a few things I noticed.

The school shuts down for the exam.  Anything that would create noise or be a distraction to the students taking the exam is put on hold.  Because of this I had a very nice break from teaching and my students all went home to see their families.  The daily bell system that my school uses to wake everyone up and mark the beginning and end of each class was turned off, the first time ever in over 10 months, and only some calming yoga-like music was played before the students took the exam.  There were about a dozen police officers that joined my school’s security personnel (all of whom were on duty for both days of the exam).  The police officers were mostly there to close down the street in front of the school and make sure there were no outside interferences during the test.  A large section of the campus was cordoned off and only the students taking the test and the test proctors, some of them were not teachers at the school and seemed to be government officials with the education department carrying impressive looking IDs around their necks.  The classroom buildings were decorated with colorful calligraphy to bring good luck to the students.

The students did not wear the school uniform.  I saw them at around seven in the morning and there was a general tenseness in the air that reminded me of my weekend mornings spent taking the SAT.  Unlike the SAT however this test really does determine a large part of their life.  You can only take it up to three times in your life and it decided what university you attend.  You do not pick what school you want to go to in China, you take a test and the government tells you where to go.  Public buses were used to ferry students from other schools and smaller towns to my school so they could take the test.  Some of the kids looked petrified though most were their usual calm selves.  They carried only a small see-through plastic case that held their pencils and what not.  Being found with a cell phone during the test gives you an automatic zero on the section you are taking.  Outside the closed gate anxious parents waited on the sidewalk that was lined with advertisements from private universities.

What was in the test this year?  Danwei did a nice summary of the big essay question found in this year’s test.  In Hunan the students had to write an essay with the title Stand on Tiptoe (踮起脚尖).

At the end of the day the police left, the barricades were lifted and the school looked like it’s old self, just oddly quiet and empty.

My Last Weeks of Teaching

After a year of teaching here in Huaihua this June has been my time to wrap up my year and say goodbye to my students.  During my second to last week of teaching I taught a class on stereotypes, something I have wanted to do all year but somehow put off until now.  Chinese students live in a world where everyone looks the same and because of this and other reasons Chinese students have pretty harsh stereotypes.  I’ve had students often tell me they don’t like so and so because he is black or they think so and so is very beautiful because of her white skin.  When as a teacher in China you admonish a student for saying such things they do not understand why you are angry at them.  Chinese teachers do not help the situation at all.  So I wanted to explain to my students what stereotypes are (they have never heard of the term) and why they can be wrong and harmful.  I think I got through to some of them, but still they can’t really understand the harm of a stereotype.  They’re constantly told all the different minorities of China get along just fine and at the same time they make fun of those same minorities for being different.  Even if they don’t make fun of those who are different there is a strong feeling with the Han Chinese that some people are better than others because of the way they look.

One thing I wanted to bring up was homosexuality.  In the end after talking to some people and thinking about it I did not.  I didn’t want to ask my school if it was okay, I didn’t want to deal with the possible aftermath of such a discussion and I didn’t want to single out the gay students (of which there a few I am aware of).  In the end though I think the biggest reason I didn’t talk about it was because I didn’t want my students to laugh at me and my sexuality.  Having a deep and honest discussion about such a subject is hard with Chinese 15 year olds.

I did however bring up Hitler.  Few Americans know just how loved this man is in China.  Nevermind his empire was a complete failure or that he killed millions and millions of people in mankind’s worst genocide my Chinese students think that he was a great leader and speaker.  A few of my students are fully obsessed with World War II and often show me the books they are reading about the era’s tanks or I find them carefully doodling the Nazi army’s flag in their Engliah textbook.  It’s always disconcerting when you bring up Hitler and a student jumps up and says: “I love him!”  I wanted to teach these kids a thing or two about this monster.  While my students love Hitler they also hold the Jewish people in the highest regard.  When I asked them for stereotypes they had of the Jews I got suggestions like: genius, rich, doctor, beautiful, business leader, and so on.  So I explained Hitler’s hatred of the Jews and how his idiotic stereotypes led to the Holocaust, which my students knew little about.  Still though I don’t it really changed their mind about Hitler’s greatness.  I mean, this is still the country where Mao is idolized after all he did.

My last week of classes was a time to relax and enjoy my last time at the front of the classroom.  Both the students and I took lots of pictures and I will post some of them soon.

Thoughts on Being Gay in China

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

Yes, I am a gay man living in China.  This is not something I normally advertise (so why post it online stupid!), but I am also no coward and certainly not in the closet.  I’ve found that Chinese gay life rarely gets written about and that needs to change.  With this blog that change begins now.

同性恋 - Homosexual in Chinese

Same + Sex + Love

Click to continue »

Remembering Harvey Milk

Monday, September 8th, 2008

This post may a bit off topic, but I am compelled to write it anyway.  You see I was perusing the Apple movie trailer site (something I do when I’m bored) and stumbled upon the trailer for Gus Van Sant’s new movie Milk starring Sean Penn as Harvey Milk.  Who is Harvey Milk?  He was just the first openly gay person elected to a major political office in the history of the planet and my favorite figure in the history of the struggle for gay rights.  Before Barack Obama was preaching the glory of hope in his campaign speeches I knew a politician that had preached the same message in his speeches: Harvey Milk.  It was Milk who said:

“The true function of politics is not just to pass laws, but to give hope.” (1)

His life and story is a tragic one and more people should know it.  Hopefully this new movie will do just that.

Click to continue »

The World Cup, new purchases and homosexuality

Sunday, June 11th, 2006

The World Cup (世界杯)started friday, as everyone knows. Soccer is wildly popular in China, though not as popular as basketball, and according to the China Daily the Chinese will tune into the games 10 billion times. My group from UVM was excited as well and we decided to go to the Camel Bar friday night to watch the first game, which started at midnight here. The bar was packed, people were stacked in everywhere. The Chinese were happily drinking beer and smoking cigarettes in the hours prior to and during the first game. It was a very fun experience. I can’t wait till midnight on monday when America plays the Czech Republic, the favored team to win Unfourtunetly I have a test on tuesday, but that is a miniscule event compared to the World Cup.

I have made two big purchases this weekend: a cellphone and a new bike. The cellphone cost me 478 yuan and is on the cheaper end of the spectrum. It can text chinese characters, which is a ton of fun to do. The bike I bought today at Kunming’s large and central Carrefour (the French Wal Mart, which is HUGE in China and is a great place to buy everything under the sun, lose a child and get something stolen) is a yellow road bike made by Top Image. It cost 583 yuan assembled, $72 dollars, and hopefully won’t get stolen and will last me the next 6 months. I’m very excited to take it for a long ride, especially since there are beautiful mountains surrounding Kunming.

If you didn’t already know homosexuality is illegal in China. The Chinese will also argue vehemently that homosexuality does not exist in China, oh so wrong! Danwei.org alerted me to a recent article in the China Daily, the daily english newspaper here, about homosexual adoption in China. It also outlines the government’s stance on homosexuality. It contains such juicy quotes as:

From the Chinese medical point of view, the China Mental Disorder Classification and Diagnosis Standard classifies homosexuality as sexual obstruction, belonging to psychiatric disease of the kind of sexual psychological barrier.

In terms of the Chinese traditional ethics and customs and habits, homosexuality is an act violating public morality and therefore not recognized by the society

Danwei article